July 1, 2013

Bird’s eye view

As fresh as the air,
Like a blade slicing through the wind,
We glide as one you and I,
Even as one lives and one dies.

The scent of flowers ride on the air,
It hits my nose and I turn and glare,
I circle ’round when I see weak prey,
As in 1 dive, with my mouth wide open.

I play with my prey like mouse and cat,
Hit it back and forth repeatedly,
After I have done I finally feast,
On his tender flesh.

At last I return to my nest,
On a mountain top with my hatchlings,
I feed them what’s left of the fish,
As I head for the clouds,
To rest I seek to do this again everyday.

Join the conversation! 10 Comments

  1. Tyrese,

    You have created a thing of beauty here. There are many things I love about this poem, but the feature that stands out the most to me is the choices you’ve made about the line breaks.

    I keep going back to read this:

    As fresh as the air,
    Like a blade slicing through the wind,
    We glide as one you and I,
    Even as one lives and one dies.

    …because it really evokes such a strong feeling of exaltation and sadness.

    Please read this to the class tomorrow.

    What would be a good title, do you think?

    Mr Waugh

    Reply
    • What he said.

      As I told you earlier, Son, you’ve learned more about the English language in the past year than I’ve learned in the last 42.

      You’re a very gifted young man and if this is how you start out then who knows what you can go on to achieve.

      We’re all very proud of you.

      Reply
  2. Wow! What a great poem, really evocative. It reminds me of the ospreys I’ve been watching on the web in Wales (they have their own webcam…). That first verse is really powerful – controlled and carefully crafted. Good work.

    Reply
  3. Hi Tyrese
    I am an English teacher in another school. I hope you don’t mind if I comment on your poem. One of the things that I thought was most beautiful, particularly in the first stanza, was the way the number of ‘beats’ in the lines links so closely with the meaning of the words you have used. We all think we know what ‘as fresh as the air’ means. However, the fact that line has 2 beats whereas the rest of the lines in the stanza have 3, hints at the lightness of the air – it seems so indefinite. In addition, your choice not to use a comma in the third line between ‘glide’ and ‘you and I’ helps create a sense of ‘you and I’ being connected and ‘gliding’ without interruption.

    You should keep writing!
    Mrs Pulleyn

    Reply
  4. Just beautiful writing. Like a blade slicing through the wind. Wow!

    Reply
  5. I like the first stanza when you wrote:
    We glide as one you and I
    Even one live and one dies
    This was like a bird eye view as a friend I like it
    I would never give you a criticism because it just too good

    Reply
  6. It is a good poem but maybe you should live to lines and talk a little about the poem

    Reply
  7. Tyrese I hope that you don’t mind that I shared your poem at a talk I did for teachers and other educators at the United Kingdom Literacy Association at the weekend. Also, Mr Waugh, your comments! And all the others. This was after a great talk from the writer Aiden Chambers about the power of writing in our lives. I hadn”t planned to do it I just suddenly remembered the last great example I’d seen and shared it and it was your work! There’s more to come from you I know! Keep going with it and good luck!
    John

    Reply
  8. Thanks I would love it

    Reply
  9. Wow great work my mind was pushed away by all the words are veery
    Use full the poem

    Score out of ten

    10

    10

    Reply

Give Feedback

Latest Posts By Tyrese

Category

Communication